Beltane Blessings

I hope everyone had a very blessed Beltane. I thought I would attempt to express how I celebrate the Sabbat & shine some light on the Dianic meaning & views of the day.

*//* NOTE: My word is my own unique opinion. I do not speak for every Dianic or witch or pagan or anyone else. I encourage you to do some research and trust your own intuition. While I will attempt to give a balanced view, it still comes from my own experiences, study, and wisdom. Thanks!

Beltane takes place on May 1st in the Northern Hemisphere. It is a cross-quarter celebration which falls between the Spring Equinox & Summer Solstice. Beltane is the other side to Samhain. While the theme of Samhain is that of darkness & death, Beltane is that of light & life's energy. Both are believed to be the times of the year when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest. Meaning that during Samhain the dead are free to pass into our world & during Beltane it is the fae. Both celebrations are very important and hold great magickal energy.

Traditional Beltane themes include:

• That of FIRE, usually with a large fire lit. The name Beltane even means Bright-Fire.
• A celebration of the warmer weather. 
• Flowers which are in bloom
• Fertility & the union of the Goddess & God.
• Faeries, magic & a thin veil

 Now the Dianic wheel of the year is very similar to that of the Wiccan one in that we honor the changing season & celebrate in reviving and/or acknowledging some traditional customs of the Sabbat. The big difference is that instead of viewing the duality of the Goddess & God we choose to celebrate just the Goddess & our own reflection of Her/our life/natures cycle that we refer to as women's mysteries. From birth, maidenhood, motherhood, cronehood, death, everything in between and around again and again.

"The Goddess has the power to bring forth life, nurture life, protect life, sustain life, and destroy life. This concept contains nature's entire continuum."1

Beltane for Dianics celebrates the Goddess Diana. Within the Wheel of the Year it's spoke represents the time in women's mysteries for a Maiden to be initiated into womanhood through her menarche or first blood. It is a time where innocence is lost & we begin to awaken to our bodies, our sensuality and sexual feelings.

The Dianic path is very open to creativity & manifest ritual, so there is not a specific ritual beyond that theme. It can easily be adjusted to suit what we need at that moment.

Personally I feel it is a good time for healing ourselves as women. So often our menstruation/moon blood is looked at with shame & embarrassment. Something to be hidden away or worse as a curse. But it is a natural and sacred part of our life's as women. It's presence contains that which enables us to give life.

We can also reinforce the ideal of true beauty and not the airbrushed/photoshopped crap. As the weather warms up it can be a cut to our self esteem as we want to start dressing to recognize the warmth and deal with our hang ups and imperfections. 

Another way to honor the day would be with healing of our sexual sides. Through rape, trauma, molestation, guilt, shame, bad body images, etc.... We can choose to be free and take control of our sexuality and our bodies. Heal them, recharge them.

Some ideas to celebrate the day:

• Feasts because food is energy and life and always good to have during a celebration. 
• Leaving offerings of food, ribbons, shiny things etc... for the fae.
• Decorate with fresh flowers & the colors- white for innocence, red for blood, and pink for the inbetween.
• Create a Maypole which may be a turn off in its phallic symbolism for Dianics but can be seen also as just a symbol of the festive day (think Christmas tree for non christians) and decorated with white & red ribbons for the joining of balance.
• Save some moonblood or other blood for ritual
• Create & burn red and white candles
• Take a ritual bath, adorn your hair in flowers and do your ritual in the nude to honor your body
• Raise some sexual energy

Now I am going to share some personal stuff here that may be triggering to those who have experienced sexual trauma.

Beltane is a very important celebration of me because of its meaning and healing energy of ourselves as women. Firstly because I suffer from PCOS. Because of this my menstruation is all out of whack. I will have them and then not for a long time. When I do it is usually very painful- like go to the ER painful. It also means that it is very hard for me to conceive. Which is something I want very very badly. It has been a difficult issue in my life and has touched my spirituality deeply. This time of year I am thankful for my health that I do have. I pray and direct healing energy for the rest of the year so that I may heal and find medicine that works and helps.

Secondly I have talked before alittle bit about my panic disorder well a part of it does stem from the fact that I was raped. Trust & intimacy do not flow easily after something like that. I use the time to reflect on my own safe desires & plant the seeds & work on reinforcing safe intimacy, healing and love. I also work on some self love of my body, mind and spirit. Though none of us are perfect or live up to the airbrushed/photoshop ideal of beauty- I AM BEAUTIFUL!



Linkage-
I highly recommend Ariadne's Thread by Shekhinah Mountainwater for her Goddess spirituality Wheel of the Year
I also recommend Women's Rites, Women's Mysteries by Ruth Barrett which has great info as well.
Some cute Beltane crafts


1- quote from  Women's Rites, Women's Mysteries by Ruth Barrett

H is for Healing & Growth

I was thinking about which topic I would blog about this week. Then today as I sat down to write another word came to mind, that of Healing. It is something actually very important to me.

I touched lightly on the subject of my depression a few times in my blog & I really loved the post here- And So She Screams. I have alot of issues to say the least lol. I struggle with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia. Alot of it stems with control issues. I want everything to be perfect and happy & within my control. But life just isn't like that. You plan and expect a rose and you get a thorn. And while I Know this to be the case rationally I still struggle.

I stumbled upon this blog: http://www.brenebrown.com/badge/ that led me to this article: Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect. I so suggest reading it.

"We get sucked into perfection for one very simple reason: We believe perfection will protect us. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.
We all need to feel worthy of love and belonging, and our worthiness is on the line when we feel like we are never ___ enough (you can fill in the blank: thin, beautiful, smart, extraordinary, talented, popular, promoted, admired, accomplished).
Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it's a shield. Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from being seen and taking flight."

Honesty ~ I have been hurt. I have been let down. I have been broken. I have been filled with fear. And more then anything else I just want to feel safe and protected. I can't move forward, I can't find my courage or strength I can't begin to heal...because I haven't let go of all that is holding me down.

I need to be able to heal, inside and out.

I have a black thumb. I kill plants :( But I have two beautiful orchids that are still alive! It is a miracle. One of the stems began to turn yellow and I read that it meant that it was dying. I needed to cut away that stem so that the plant could use its strength to grow stronger and bloom again.

I think that is the same thing. Right now I am throwing so much of my energy into my pain & fear that it is stifling my growth. I have to let go, cut away all of that negativity that suffocates me so that I can continue to grow.

Just as I wrote in the other blog entry I linked above, one of my issues has been that in my darkest, most painful time I have turned away from my spirituality, away from the Goddess.Instead I need to turn to the Goddess and begin to heal with Her. With hope, faith, courage and love for myself and the Goddess I can heal & grow.

Only in the darkness can you see the stars.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. 

I think healing is not as simple as just going from point A to B. It takes time, & growth on its own. I kindof think of it as a descent into the inner most of my being. The dark cave where the Crone Goddess rules and has wisdom & guidance to share if you are willing to face the fear of the darkness and unknown and face your reflection. It is the journey to the underworld where you have to cut ties and die to be reborn.

• Acknowledging the pain, being honest with myself and baring my heart & soul.
• Forgiveness of myself and others and the universe. At the very least myself. Realizing what mistakes I have made & learning from them and at the same time seeing the things that were not my fault. That I was the victim and I can't hate myself for what has happened to me, what was done to me.
• They say that nature abhors a vacuum. I can remove, banish, release all the pain but I have to fill it with something positive in turn. 

To begin with the next New Moon is coming up on the 21st. I will plan and hold a cleansing & banishing ritual for release.

I was reading eslewhere about a god box. Where you write your worries on little pieces of paper and put them in the box. I like the concept. I have this beautiful little candle holder that is shaped like a lantern and reminded me of the element of air. I just bought it and wasn't sure what I would do with it just yet. I will let it hold the little pieces of paper- my worries. I will take them and set them free.

On the next Full Moon I will do another ritual for healing.

Every morning & night I will pray/meditate and do affirmations. I spend so much of each day putting myself down, tearing myself apart, focusing on the negative. Instead I will focus on the positive, the beauty, love, strength, courage, etc...


*//* I created the above image from an Amazing site called http://www.wordle.net/ I love it to create words images for spellwork & it works really well for these positive affirmation words.

This site http://www.goddess.com.au/affirmations.htm#AffirmationGenerator has some great ideas & tips for working with affirmations.

This post was inspired by the Pagan Blog Project -Letter H

And So She Prays

Ebb & Flow~ My mood changes could give you whiplash. I feel alot better today is what I am trying to say. I talked to the DH and idk it made me feel better. He is trying.

I am a witch. It is sometimes easy to forget that. Forget my spirituality. Forget what I believe and where I am coming from, what I am connected to.

The Other day was Halloween. It is a major holiday in my religion. I did nothing. It is like not celebrating Christmas seems weird. I gave myself excuses that I am not in the right frame of mind to do anything...lies. Honestly i didn't wish to face that part of myself right now. I am scared and it is really easy to just be upset instead.

Halloween is a combination of many different traditions coming together. You have the celtic Samhain that last harvest festival of the year. In a time where they would slaughter the last of the animals to stock up for the cold and barren winter to come. Nowadays we can run to the grocery store all year long so I think it is hard to imagine. Then combined with All Saints Day & The Day of the Dead to honor and celebrate those who have passed. A moment to think of death, remember those who are not here and to be thankful that we still are. It is the day when the veil between worlds is one of the thinnest.

It reminds me of the Death card in tarot. It doesn't really mean death as in you are dead, soul is gone, breathless and empty. But more it is transition. Change. Like how some people think death is not the end but just a transition between this world and the next.

In my tradition we view the wheel of the year, the cycle of changing seasons, as a story/myth of the Goddesses life. She is born on the Winter Solstice grows up through out the year. On the Autumn Equinox she is Persephone beginning her descent into the underworld and on Halloween she is at the doorway into the darkness. Ready to let go of ego and everything that has held her back and step through-(the transition and release of death) changed ready to be reborn once more like the phoenix.

Samhain comes and it belongs to the Goddess Hekate, the Crone. It is being alone in the darkness with just your thoughts and inner reflections. To turn to look withing and face all that lies there. It seems like a scary time of year but isn't the darkness always a bit scary? To face that which we can't see? To learn to trust ourselves and let go of all we hold on to? What is more scary then our own inner demons?

It is known as the Witches New Year. I love that how the end is also the beginning all in one. I think it can be hard to wrap your head around the idea of that. Like shouldn't now be the end and then the Winter Solstice where She is born be the beginning? But I think it is kindof like stepping through a doorway. The moment you are putting your foot through and making that choice to move forward you are already leaving the past behind and starting something new. Time keeps moving. Each second is gone just like that leading to the next one.

It is kindof like a really great time for all of this and I could gain some wisdom and insight here.

I found this amazing article thattalks about Samhain and learning to release:
http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usor&c=holidays&id=12853

Learning to ride with the flow of energy around us is truly internalizing the old axiom that ‘everything happens for a reason’. Often, we litter our brains with ideas of what could have been or what we should have done differently. Although it is important to self evaluate how we affect our surrounding with our behavior, it is equally important to remember that everything that happened was supposed to happen and nothing else could have happened. With each action we take, we learn and grow, so even one hour after we made a decision, we are a changed person.

We cannot impose our new learning onto our old selves and expect us to have behaved any differently. When we try to, we create havoc in our psyche and lock up our magick powers trying to move them backward. This is an important lesson of the Devil tarot card that comes out at Samhain: we need to learn to let those anxieties die away before we can fully move into the gifts of the coming year.

Anxiety is an internal reaction that occurs when things do not happen or do not respond in the way that we expect them to. When we are anxious, we dampen our ability to receive energy and guidance because we are focusing on the perceived consequences of what is going to occur. Anxiety and fear hinder our abilities to be a part of the energies around us. As egotistical little beings, it is hard to give up our anxieties over what we don’t want to happen. But, perpetually we experience times where the Divine steps in and we do not get exactly what our ego wants because it against the goals of our higher selves.

Witchcraft is just as much about accepting change as it is about creating change. In accepting change, we let our anxiety die away and experience the beautiful energy of the world. In creating change, we knowingly interact and push around those exact same energies.

Samhain, the celebration of Death, is also about accepting and celebrating the beauty of the natural energies of the Universe and ourselves. This is the time where we ritually let the anxieties, the expectations, the desires for change, and the thoughts of how things “should be” die away so that we can see and appreciate the way things are.

With our ego released, we embark upon a period of self-discovery, acceptance, and listening that will prepare us for the full appreciation of the mystery of rebirth at Yule.

The entire article is great but I loved that piece.

I think I will do alot of praying but planning a big ritual this thursday it is the full moon. A good healing ritual. Maybe I will also do a ritual with my DH. We have never done one together before, infact he has never even seen me do a ritual lol. I am fairly private about it all but it might be nice. I am not sure if he would be interested- well not so much in all the religious stuff of it but he might.

Also on another note I got a tarot book that should arrive here soon. BTW stay away from Barnes & Noble their online site is a pain and I had to go through a huge mess with their CS ugh. Anyways I am going to do a whole big tarot study thing and get a new tarot journal. I am kindof tied up because I want a cute little journal with my own thoughts on each card to carry with me but my hand writing is bleh so I partly would rather type it all. But idk how that would work either

And so She Screams: Part Three

In a Magickal state of mind....

My Mantra:
I am STRONG. I am an Amazon Goddess. Nothing can stand in my way. Nothing can stop me from achieving my goals. Not even myself- not doubt or fear. Because I AM stronger then I think I am. Even at my worst, when I am collapsed on the floor in a puddle of my own tears- I can pick myself up. I can wipe the dust off and with it all the excuses. & move forward & grow.

I am strong. I can do it. I will do it.

I suffer from a panic disorder. It can be extremely difficult someday. Doing a simple mundane task can be a chaotic overwhelming mess. I have panic attacks where I feel overwhelmed, lost, and like the world is spinning out of control. 

One of the ways I deal with it is to stop & ground myself. I need to feel connected to the Earth and bring my focus back to reality. So one trick I use is to breath deeply then focus on my breathing. Then I say silently to myself-

"I am a tree. Strong & beautiful. My roots sink deep into the Earth. My branches reach high into the heavens. The Goddess is with me. I am safe & protected."

These are things that I need to remind myself. Focus on.  I think I will plan a healing ritual for tomorrow and then keep these in mind in my morning rituals!